Will's diary
Day 1
5:48 p.m.
Uwe Boll (pronounced ooo-vuh), the director of "House," has decided
that my frat-boy good looks would be enhanced even further with a shaved
noggin. This is okay with me, and into the hair chair I go. Everybody's a
little behind (with it being the first day of shooting), so the hairstylist
and I decide that it just has to be done over the lunch hour. (This is great
for us as working over lunch means a substantial meal penalty later on).
Oops...somebody let producer Shawn Williamson know of our little plan...he's
the man looking out for the money...off to lunch...I'm caught red-handed
and half-shaved...
8:22 p.m.
The gang has begun to get acquainted with Uwe and Uwe's accent. This is my
third film with him, so I'm as used to it as I'm going to get. Uwe was born,
raised, and still lives in Germany, and while his vocabulary is getting quite
good (including "shit" and "unbelievable"), his pronunciation
invites many an imitation. We rehearse a scene. He doesn't like it. "Zees
vas sheet," he tells us. We do it again, the same. "Zees vas good,
check zee gate!"
10:35 p.m.
During a break, Enuka Okuma (who plays "Karma") and I are trying
to figure out the lyrics to theme song from "Full House". We've
identified several other shows from our childhood, including Kirk Cameron's
"Growing Pains" and Tony Danza's "Who's the Boss?" but
this one stumps us. Something about the milkman, paper boy, and evening TV...aw
screw it...we decide that we never liked those Olsen twins anyway...
11:45 p.m.
Uwe says that he wants us to do a "funny version" of a few scenes
for the DVD outtakes. He finds the idea of these "funny versions"
quite amusing. He is giggling while describing to me an alternative to a
current scene where, in the script, I get up on a stage and imitate a scene
from "This Is Spinal Tap." Uwe thinks it would be hilarious if
I get up and do an improvised Oscar speech. I do it. Uwe howls. Everybody
else is silent. I am embarrassed.
1:17 a.m.
The day's work is done. It's been a great first day, actually. Everyone loves
Mark Altman, because he's young and hip and wrote a fun script. Everyone
loves Shawn Williamson, because he is young and hip and pays us. Everyone
loves Uwe, because he talks funny and is a great director.
With only a few weapons and time running out, they take shelter in an ancient
house, inside which they will uncover the secrets of the "House of the
Dead."